Let's Pick on Loki
by SidneyStrange
Summary: AU-ish Crack-fic. Loki is part of the team and Tony decides to air some of his dirty laundry after reading up on Norse mythology. No slash


(AN: I'd like to preface this crack story by explaining that Loki is working with the Avengers in some capacity and bygones have apparently gone by. Take any one of the "Loki redeems himself and joins the team/becomes a consulting criminal/whatever" stories on the internet and say that this takes place sometime after/during that.

Don't think too hard on it, you'll ruin the crack.)

"So, Loki, I have a question I'd like to ask you." Tony Stark said from where he was sprawled out on the couch. The whole team was there, in various states of lounging, in the Avengers' common room. Thor and Loki took up one couch, while Tony took as much of the other one up as possible leaving Bruce wedged into the corner. Natasha and Clint shared the love seat and Steve sat in the recliner.

Everyone had been chatting away about various topics until Tony spoke up.

Loki turned to Stark and raised a brow. "Ask your question. Though, I guarantee no answer."

Tony gave him a slick grin. "So I've been reading up on my Norse mythology lately. You know, having two godly types in our midst and all... and I came across something that I just have to ask you about."

"Go on." Loki looked a little impatient as Thor sat forward, looking rather like an interested puppy.

"Sleipnir? True or false?" Tony said simply, his grin getting somehow wider.

"That story is widely exaggerated." Loki brushed him off with an arrogant tone.

Tony's grin looked like it would split his face at any given moment. "So give us the real thing."

Loki blanched, but the expression passed so quickly you'd miss it if you blinked. "What is it you Americans say? Ah, yes. I believe it is 'I take the fifth.'" He said smoothly.

Thor laughed heartily. "My brother! If you will not tell them the story I will. It is a grand tale of your masterful wit."

Loki cringed. "Really, Thor, you don't-"

"Nonsense, brother!" Thor crowed. "This tale I will tell you all. Sleipnir is the steed of the All-Father, Odin and Loki is the reason he exists. You see while I was away slaying many a giant the wall of Asgard needed rebuilding. A stone mason named Blast came with his horse offering to rebuild it in exchange for Freya, the sun, and the moon. The All-Father was not pleased, but the wall needed rebuilding. So he gave the stonemason a time limit. Six months. Surely this man and his horse would fail in the task. But alas, Blast was quick with the aid of his steed and had the wall nearly finished as the sixth month ended. The All-Father did not want to lose any of that which he promised so he asked Loki to aid him in stalling the mason."

"Thor, really." Loki hissed, trying to stop him right there.

Thor laughed and pounded him on the back. "But this is where you come in, brother! Tell it from here! It is your story."

Loki rolled his eyes. "I couldn't touch the stonemason so I tricked his horse and led him into the woods and held him there until the time limit passed."

"Come now, brother, you did not tell them how." Thor said with a broad smile. "He turned himself into a mare. This angered the mason so much that he revealed himself to be a rock giant. I had returned by this time and I slew him, but Loki was gone for several months and when he came back he had with him a colt with eight legs and gave him to our Father."

The whole team was rapt through the whole thing and Loki, somewhat out of character, looked like he wanted the couch to swallow him up.

"So, wait, you're saying Loki had sex with a stallion in the form of a mare and... gave birth to an eight legged horse?" Natasha asked, looking vaguely horrified.

"Yes!" Thor laughed and pounded Loki on the back proudly.

The reaction of the team was varied. Tony looked rather smug about forcing some of Loki's dirty laundry out in the open while Clint was trying his hardest to keep quiet as he completely lost it, laughing into his hand. Natasha looked somewhere between horrified and nauseated, turning to poke Clint trying to get him to stop laughing, but it only made the laughter worse. Bruce looked like he was trying not to smile, fidgeting a little with the sleeve of his shirt. Thor looked insanely proud and poor Steve just looked confused.

"So, you're saying Odin rides around on his grandson?" Tony asked, never one to leave well enough alone. Clint lost all semblance of control, falling over into Natasha's lap as he cackled madly.

"I believe I will take my leave." Loki said with as much dignity as he could muster, sweeping out of the room, leaving the sound of Clint's laughter far behind.

(I read several different versions of the myth. Every website said something a little bit different so I just sort of went with the bits they all seemed to agree on.)


End file.
